Long ago, I lived near a farm in southern Indiana and was helping a farmer friend by picking up supplies. For my work, I was paid 35 cents per hour. I stopped at the hardware store to get a bucket and anvil, a small one. Then I went to the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose, all quite small and very young.

A strong young man, I still didn’t know how I would carry all of my purchases back to the farm. Kids didn’t have cars in those days and even if one were available, I was too young to drive. The livestock dealer said, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”

“Hey, thanks!” I said. His idea worked. While walking with my awkward load, I was approached by an interesting-looking older woman, who said she was lost. “Can you tell me how to get to 1514 Mockingbird Lane?”

“I live right next-door,” I said, “at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Follow me. Let’s take this shortcut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The woman retorted, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley, you won’t hold me up against a wall, and … and … and ravish me?”

I was flabbergasted. I’d never done that to any woman before, let alone a strange older woman! Not knowing what to say, I exclaimed, “Holy smoke, lady! I’m carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that, whatever it is? I mean, even if I knew how?”


The woman said, “Well, you could set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I’ll hold the chickens.”

I’ll never forget that day.

Thoughts & ideas scribbled in a notebook in the summer of 1994  . . . fifteen long years ago.

There are two kinds of people…those who look good with their clothes on and those who look better with their clothes off.  I know which kind I am.

I am continually amazed at what some women do to their hair. Gray should be gray, not blue.  A friend tells everyone that if you visit Florida in the wintertime, you should seek out the “blue-crested snowbird.”

And since it appears that this is about women:

I am so old that I can remember when the airlines required stewardesses (That’s what they called them before they became ‘flight attendants’) to be young, a certain height and weight, and generally all-around gorgeous.  That has all changed now that we have equal rights for the non-gorgeous. Airlines now seek attendants with personality and character.  However, I did see a female flight attendant a few weeks ago who was probably recruited during the gorgeous years.  It was the first time I was ever served coffee by a woman using a walker.

Recall how the flight attendants remind you that “all carry-ons must fit under the seat in front of you or in the overhead compartments”?  If you have ever been seated next to or near a screaming child, ask the flight attendant if this child was carried on.  And, if so….

I’ve just discovered that in addition to Chiquita bananas, there is now another national brand, Rosita bananas.  Competition is good, but why are bananas always named after women?

June 6, 1994. Rancho Bernardo, California.

I was in a “salad and bakery buffet restaurant” for lunch today and saw a young lady, about 18, in a designer sun suit completing a job application with a Mount Blanc ballpoint. I watched her drive away later in a new Ford Probe sports car.

Unemployment is hell in Southern California.

June 8, 1994

At the same salad and soup buffet: I sat near the soup tureen. A young man stacked soup bowls for customers.  He cupped the bottom of the bowls, placing them lip down on a tray.  He did this two-handed.  Palms up, grasping bowl bottoms, he reversed his hands and placed the bowls on the tray.

So there he was, standing with palms up and two smooth, cup-shaped objects in his hands, when a well-endowed 17-year-old walked in, wearing a low-cut halter dress.  Unconsciously, he bounced the bowls up and down in his hand until he saw me watching.  Red-faced, he went back to work.

From women to the word-world:

There is a gun in my house, disassembled, with the parts in various places.  I don’t really believe in guns, but if I hear one more person say “Give me a break…”

Has anyone discovered a way to stop the younger generation from using “you know” and “like” as conjunctives.  I rather prefer the established “errrrrr…” or “uhhhhh” as a thinking pause when the mouth is racing past the brain. And, As, and But also work.

If you have a teenager near you, bet them some outrageous sum if they win, versus a task they would prefer not to do if they lose. The challenge: talk on the phone to any friend for a half hour and not use either “like” in its misuse mode, or “you know” in any mode.  You’ll win, and a dirty and difficult task will finally be done by a teenager.  I’ve done it.  It works.

Even on some adults.

(The old Flayed Fox writes books about our forgotten history. To learn more, visit historynerds.com)